3 Keys To Effective Dating

April 14, 2016 at 9:00 am

keys to love

Dating is something that has to be done before you get to marriage. Some may call it courting, but either way, you have to get to know the person through dating. Unless of course it’s an arranged marriage, but I don’t believe any of you plan on having an arranged marriage in the traditional sense of the phrase. The only one arranging it is God.


So, I have outlined 3 keys to effective dating. It will help you on your journey.


1.) Don’t Casual Date

This is something I cannot stress enough. Casual dating is a waste of time. If you’re just casually going out with people with no intent on working towards something that is serious, that’s not dating with a purpose. If the person tells you that they’re not looking for anything serious, don’t take it any further.


This is a danger point b/c if you follow up by saying that you’re not looking for anything serious right now either, that’s essentially what you’re going to get. Your feelings might get involved if you move forward, and they can easily turn around and say that they told you from the beginning that they didn’t want anything serious. Don’t stay around just for the company. You’re single and qualified and you’re not desperate.


Don’t stay around with the intent that you can change their mind. God is serious about your love life, so don’t allow someone else to play around with it! Casual dating is for people who want casual things, and there is nothing casual about you. You are a powerful child of God looking to connect with another powerful child of God to form a power team! Therefore, casual dating fits nowhere into that equation. Date with a purpose and with a plan, not just to have company! God has an assignment for you to complete with the 1!


2.) Listen Very Carefully

You will be amazed at what you hear when you listen very carefully. When you ask certain questions, listen very carefully for the answer and how they answer it. You should communicate your expectations early and often. Don’t give the entire blueprint too early though b/c knockoffs can fake it long enough by doing what you say to do and not doing what you say not to do until they get your feelings around their fingers.


If you listen, most people give clues. You can find red flags just by simply listening and observing. It’s not that you’re looking to find fault, but I’m saying that if you listen you will be able to get key pieces to the puzzle. That’s called active listening.


The listening helps you get to know more of what’s in their heart. When you have certain conversations around certain topics, listen very carefully. I am reminded of this funny meme that I saw. It was about a conversation b/w a man and a woman. The man said he was spiritual. The woman said, “demons are spiritual too, I need more details.”


It’s actively listening. Someone who says they’re spiritual doesn’t make them saved. Also just by saying they go to church doesn’t mean they’re saved for real. Demons can show up in churches too. So, a person saying they go to church doesn’t mean they’re sold out for Christ.


There is a difference between an assignment and a distraction. Sometimes it’s a thin line. I’ve seen too many assignments turned into relationships that were never supposed to be b/c feelings got involved. Just because you’re telling them about Jesus or helping them grow doesn’t make them your spouse. In some cases, that is how it works.


This is why prayer is so important. Be led by the spirit, not your feelings. Go in seeking God about it. Don’t get in the relationship without God’s consent. I know feelings get very loud sometimes, and it can seem confusing. This is why you need to be prayed up ahead of time. You need to really seek God concerning it.


When you listen closely, you get many of the answers that you need very early in getting to know someone. The key is that you don’t dismiss the bad and don’t dismiss the good. Some are looking for an excuse to eliminate someone, and that’s either by finding something wrong or by saying it’s too good to be true. Don’t get in your own way. Seek God for real.


3.) Recognize What You Bring To The Table

You must realize that you bring something to the table that they don’t have. Some get caught up on money alone. The favor of God on your life can do what money could only dream of doing. You must know your strengths. You must know how you add value.


If you get so caught up in what someone has or does not have or caught up in what they bring to the table and overlook yourself, you’re doing yourself a disservice. It doesn’t matter how great things may be for them, you bring great things as well. They aren’t you, so you have what they don’t have.


You must know that you are a very valuable asset. It’s also not just enough to know it, but you must walk in it. If you downplay what you carry, it will be easy for someone else to do the same. Self worth is truly worth more than you have given yourself credit for at times.

I’m not saying to be arrogant or prideful about it. You may meet someone who is overly confident about something b/c they’re trying to overcompensate for an area of insecurity. You will be able to spot that very quickly if you go back to point #2, listen very carefully.


In the meantime, keep pressing forward. This dating journey may have had its ups and downs, but you will get to the 1. Keep the faith. Keep praying and keep fighting against the enemy. They can’t stop you if you keep showing up.


As always, remember that you are Single For 1! That is all for now.

Your Relationship Advisor,

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