I’m Tired of Meeting Losers

June 30, 2016 at 9:00 am


Today, we will revisit an older post from our “Diary of  A Future Spouse” submissions. Enjoy! Also, be sure to  join me by registering for my free teleconference that I will be conducting entitled, “Why Is Your Life On Hold? It will be a huge 1st step towards seeing a shift in your life and ridding your life of the works of the enemy that has kept so much on hold in your life. The registration link is below.

Free Registration: Why Is Your Life On Hold?



I have minimal dating success as a single black mother. My race isn’t the issue, or at least I don’t think so. I have tried meeting men online, as well in person. I work hard, and take care of my son with the help of my family.


The men I meet, however, are less than honest. They lie about being married, or living with someone. When confronted about it, they try to excuse it away. Many of the men that I meet are often looking for sex without real commitment.


As a woman that is trying to be celibate, this is very discouraging and frustrating.  It makes me think that I may never meet my other half, and that I may never get married.

Should I Let Him Go?

February 11, 2016 at 9:00 am


Diary of A Future Spouse

Dear Duke,

I met this guy January this year. We started dating and things were ok as he was spending more time with me. Problems started in May when he said I don’t spend enough time with him. I told him I don’t want to rush things. I introduced him in July.

How Do I Get Out of This Bad Dating Cycle?

January 28, 2016 at 9:00 am


Diary of A Future Spouse


Here is another archived post from our Diary of A Future Spouse!

Dear Duke,

Well to start off, I am finding myself feeling frustrated and almost hopeless in believing that I can find true love God’s way. Don’t get me wrong, I know God is able, but sometimes I just wonder if He is able and willing to perform such a miraculous work in my life.


I met my first boyfriend at 18 when I was a freshman in College. I was a virgin then, and I stood firm on the fact that I wanted to wait until I was married to go all the way.

I Gave This Man Too Much Too Soon

January 21, 2016 at 9:00 am


Diary of A Future Spouse


Dear Duke,

Today we will revisit a past Diary of A Future Spouse post of a real life dating story that was submitted.

I dated a man for 5 months. During the 5 month relationship, I did everything I could to show this man that I was the exception, which was my mistake. This man had a son from a previous relationship. I loved his son the moment I held him.

Is He A Waste Of My Time?

September 8, 2014 at 9:00 am


Diary of A Future Spouse

Dear Duke,

Hey, this is my story about this guy. I cannot tell what he really wants.
We chat most times on WhatsApp only. On weekdays I’m always at work and Sunday we never get time to meet. This guy calls me ‘babe’ and then apologies for saying it sometimes.

I Tried To Give Him A Second Chance!

August 11, 2014 at 9:00 am

Diary of A Future Spouse

Dear Duke,

I believe that God has the 1 out there for me and I am willing to remain single and wait for the man who will not make me lower my standards, but instead go above and beyond what I could have ever imagined. I want a man that will love me like Christ loved the Church and love me so much that I will forget the past hurts, abuses, and disappointments.

My Man Just Disappeared!

July 21, 2014 at 9:00 am


Diary of A Future Spouse



I’m 42yrs old, and I live in Wisconsin. He is 55yrs old & He lives in New York. I met him on an elevator at a convention center in Virginia. During the convention, we took that opportunity to talk & get better acquainted. It was absolutely perfect. He is handsome, intelligent, established & a complete gentleman.

This Love Is Not Enough!

July 7, 2014 at 9:00 am


Diary of A Future Spouse



Hey there,

Please advise me. I met my boyfriend in January this year. I was single for a year when we met. He seemed to be a good guy, but things were moving too fast for me, as he wanted me to visit him and he stated that he doesn’t want sex.

How Do I Get Over This Mess?

June 30, 2014 at 9:00 am


Diary of A Future Spouse


Dear Duke:


My story is quite long. I have been with a guy for 6 years now. We met when we were still in varsity. I realized as the years went by that he had an eye for women (I would find flirty messages to and fro), nevertheless I stayed and hoped to be the one to change him. 

I’m Trying To Get The Sex Out Of My Mind!

June 16, 2014 at 9:00 am


Diary of A Future Spouse


Dear Duke:


I met a guy last year and immediately we started hooking up. Although I know fornication is a sin, I was too weak in my flesh to resist him. I cannot say we were in a relationship because it was purely sexual. The problem is, although we have stopped seeing each other, I find myself still attracted to him and thinking about him all the time. However, I want to get him off of my mind. Please help.


The Duke’s Response: I commend you for being transparent and at such a vulnerable time you’re in emotionally. You have already addressed the fact that you knew you were weak in your flesh and did not resist sex. You have also pointed out that it was simply a sexual thing. That can still create an emotional attachment, even if there wasn’t much established as far as really knowing him.


It’s evident that you found him physically attractive, and that’s what started the sexual relations. Now that you have stopped seeing him, it seems like you cannot get him off your mind. What is going on is a soul tie was formed. Scripture talks about how when you have sex with someone, you become 1 with them.


So, it’s hard to shake him right now in your flesh because there is still a part of him connected to you. Sex is physical and emotional. This does not matter if it was via casual sex or someone who was in a committed relationship. When it is over, or even if you’re in relationship with the individual, soul ties can be formed. This is why some individuals stay in abusive relationships.


This is why some people keep going back to the person that they know is not good for them. This is why you can stay with someone who you know is not the right one for you. Bad soul ties can cause your entire attitude to change. It can cause you to act outside of your normal character. Bad soul ties are not always with bad people, but it can just be someone who is bad for you.


There may be times when you are not with that individual anymore, but you cannot get them out of your mind, such is the case with you. This is the result of a soul tie. Again, it does not even require sex. However, sex makes it much more complex because the two of you are literally becoming one flesh as scripture tells us.This is when your soul becomes tied together with another.


It is like you are bonded together as one. I know at times, it seems like the word soul is a “spooky” word. However, the soul is simply the inner part of humans that is the seat of human feelings, desires, passions, appetites and emotions. In knowing the definition, we can now understand what it means when your soul is tied to or connected to another. When we hear of soul ties, it is often when being referenced to sex. However, it can also be formed through close relationships.


Also, all soul ties are not bad. There are Godly soul ties and ungodly soul ties. Good soul ties can be found in healthy relationships with your parents, siblings, children, other family members, God ordained relationships and the right friends. There can also be bad soul ties among those individuals. So, in your case, the soul tie was formed from something God didn’t put together, so the enemy is trying to keep you in bondage so you don’t move forward.


You must 1st pray that the soul tie is broken, and speak over your life and declare that whatever is attached to you that is not from God and is trying to hold you in bondage that it must leave in the name of Jesus. Command them to leave. Continue to pray and speak that over your life until you see and sense the change. This is important because you cannot effectively move on until that is severed or it will definitely impact your next relationship.


It’s almost like carrying around bed bugs. They can be difficult to detect and they can be a pain to get rid of. However, if it gets on your clothes, it will travel with you and will attach itself to the next place you lay your head, which is home. The demonic spirits attached to ungodly soul ties attempt to travel with you in an attempt to keep you in bondage and to connect you with someone else, to either keep you going through the same cycle or to cause havoc in the next relationship, whether the person was sent by God or by Satan.


So, this is why it is important that it is broken. The 1st step is in recognizing what has you feeling the way you do. We’ve identified that and what you need to do to overcome it. Now you must recognize that you deserve better than a casual hook up. There is a difference in saying it and knowing it.


You must know that you deserve the best, and it begins with you expecting the best. It begins with you expecting to be treated a certain way. It begins with your mindset. If you don’t have that standard, you run the risk of going through the same cycle. If you don’t know what you deserve, you won’t get what you deserve!


You must also not beat yourself up about what happened or didn’t happen. That is over now, and the only way forward is to not keep looking backwards. The only thing he had to offer was sex, and you already know the deal. So, you have to ask yourself what were you really missing? You aren’t really missing him because you all didn’t establish a relationship.


Sure, you may have had some conversation and shared a few laughs, but it was not an authentic relationship. The foundation was shaky from the beginning. You can’t tell me that you feel that he is a type of guy that you think is the best you could have because regardless of who he is or the type of person he is, what he brought to the table was nothing worth your time.


It’s easy to want something you once had, even though you may not have had much when there is no one in front of you. It’s easy to reflect on what was when it seems like you’re alone. However, you are never alone. You should take some time to reflect on yourself. Are there certain unhealthy patterns you have seen in your relationships? You should also look at some of the positive points and use that as you move forward.


The key is that the lesson was learned. He will get off your mind as you go through the process, but you don’t want to fall for any distractions that will lead you down the same path. It’s like people who use drugs and abuse alcohol to temporarily drown out the pain. You don’t need a distraction, but you need to be delivered from all of the past mess and look forward to the future blessings.


I believe you will be just fine. Know that God has someone for you, but I can tell that right now some clutter needs to be cleared out of your life. Check your environment as well. Who do you hang out with? What are the conversations like? What do you say about yourself that might be negative?


Words form an atmosphere around you as well. You don’t need negativity. You don’t need to be attached to people who are doing the same thing you’re trying to come out of. That will only put you back in bondage after you’ve been free or simply keep you in bondage. There are some people you have to deal with in moderation or not at all.


This is your time to be cleansed, but you have to want it. It sounds like you want it. I’m excited about your future, and I know that greater is to come. It is literally 1 day at a time, but days turn to weeks, and weeks to months. Soon enough you will look up and see how far you have come and wonder where did the time go?


In the meantime, love yourself and set your standards. They won’t lead you astray. Love is powerful, and the love that you need will find you. The beautiful thing is that the 1st part of love starts with you!


As always, remember that you are Single For 1. That is all for now.

Your Relationship Advisor,

The Duke logo 1


Be sure to submit your dating success stories, dating disaster stories or dating confessions to info@singlefor1.com for a chance for it to be featured on the blog!