I’m Tired of Meeting Losers

June 30, 2016 at 9:00 am


Today, we will revisit an older post from our “Diary of  A Future Spouse” submissions. Enjoy! Also, be sure to  join me by registering for my free teleconference that I will be conducting entitled, “Why Is Your Life On Hold? It will be a huge 1st step towards seeing a shift in your life and ridding your life of the works of the enemy that has kept so much on hold in your life. The registration link is below.

Free Registration: Why Is Your Life On Hold?



I have minimal dating success as a single black mother. My race isn’t the issue, or at least I don’t think so. I have tried meeting men online, as well in person. I work hard, and take care of my son with the help of my family.


The men I meet, however, are less than honest. They lie about being married, or living with someone. When confronted about it, they try to excuse it away. Many of the men that I meet are often looking for sex without real commitment.


As a woman that is trying to be celibate, this is very discouraging and frustrating.  It makes me think that I may never meet my other half, and that I may never get married.


The Duke’s Response: Thanks for writing in. Your race certainly has nothing to do with dating. There is no question that there are great and honest men out there. However, it is also very clear that there are lying and dishonest men out there.


It is quite often that our experiences can frame our perception in certain areas of our lives. You have been experiencing a pattern that you certainly would like to break. No one wants to continuously encounter dishonest people.


You cannot control what others do when it comes to dating, but the key is that you have set your standards and are sticking to it. Yes, there are men who are after one thing, and will make every attempt at every opportunity they see. The good thing is that you have not lowered your standard.


The danger in situations like this is that an individual may begin to think something is wrong with them. There is nothing wrong with you; you have just met the wrong people. The good thing is that you recognized very early that they were the wrong people. I’m sure it gets old after a while, but you still have to keep moving ahead.


It’s great that you are now celibate and are upholding your standards. That is nothing to apologize about or feel bad about. As I stated earlier, your experiences have just been bad, but that doesn’t mean it won’t get better. Many athletes go through severe disappointment until they finally reach their ultimate goal in winning a championship.


It did not keep them out of the gym. It did not make them quit because they knew they could one day reach individual success and team success. They refused to quit. You must refuse to quit, and rest in the confidence that the 1 does exist and you will meet him.


The type of men that you have been encountering are the professional liars, cheaters and players. They are playing the game of averages. They feel that the more women they test, they will eventually get one woman to bite the bait. You should hold your head up high in knowing that you were not one who bit their bait. If you did, it didn’t take you long to back away.


I understand that it can be very discouraging when you are approached or begin to get to know individuals who have this type of behavior, but they are just not the 1. All men are not like those men. I know it seems to be that way in your world right now, but keep in mind that you just need the 1.


The journey towards the 1 is not always a smooth journey, but the key is in knowing that you are on the journey. Throwing in the towel will be giving those types of men power in your life. It will appear as though they “ruined” a great woman.


They didn’t ruin you because you didn’t give them the full gift of love you have to offer. They may have caused some frustration and anger, but the key is that you didn’t settle for the mess they presented. You didn’t continue to live in the lie once you knew it was a lie. It can become much more challenging the deeper you get.


However, no man should be the cause of you to lower your standard. The problem is not with your standard, the problem is with the type of men that came to you. If you didn’t have a standard, those men would have some appeal. Gold miners keep digging for gold even when they come up empty.


So, you must know that you are finer than gold. The right 1 is out there digging and searching for his priceless treasure and won’t stop until he finds you. You will be found, but don’t allow the distractions cause you to get lost. I commend you for maintaining your standard in the midst of all of this. It is also important because you don’t want to bring a bad example around your son.


I know it is frustrating when you give someone a chance only to be disappointed. I also know that you are aware when red flags present themselves, which is how you found out the truth from those men who were lying.


Again, those men who are still boys in the area of relationships don’t meet your standard. They got to the door, but you sent them right back out because they don’t measure up to the type of woman you are. They are still in bondage, but the truth certainly set you free.


The last experience is over. Look forward to the next 1. Soon enough, it will be the right 1, and you will soon forget about all the wrong one’s.  There are people out here who are ready for true commitment. You know it to be true because you are 1 of them. You have love to give, and you don’t plan on sharing it with a just any man.


Thank God that you discovered the truth. You said that it makes you think you will never get married. Look at how what they did caused you to think. A lie is trying to make you think it’s the truth. A knockoff has tried to convince you that there are no authentic men left.


Don’t go for the lies because all the lie wants you to do is lower your standard, cheapen your worth and go with whatever comes your way. You are better than that. Many women have experienced what you have experienced and can also tell you that they have met good men. Even if it was a man they didn’t marry, they have still met good man unlike the liars and cheaters they met.


Your good 1 exists. Just make sure you don’t give up on the journey. That pattern must be broken in your life, but it can’t be broken until you recognize that the lie has caused enough damage in your life! The truth is you are single for the 1 God has for you. There is only 1 you, which sets you apart.


What the other men couldn’t do right, the right 1 will do beyond what you could have imagined. In the meantime, don’t you dare quit because just like many others, they are on this journey with you towards the 1, and losing a good woman along the journey is not up for discussion.

Again, be sure to register here for my teleconference taking place Thursday, July 7th, entitled, “Why Is My Life On Hold?”

Free Registration

Remember that you are Single For 1. That is all for now.


Your Relationship Advisor, 

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Be sure to submit your dating success stories, dating disaster stories or dating confessions to info@singlefor1.com for a chance for it to be featured on the blog!