So You Think You Have Standards

March 11, 2010 at 4:27 pm

I cannot think of anyone I have ever met that did not think they had good standards. Let us start by defining it. Dictionary.com defines standard as: those morals, ethics, habits, etc., established by authority, custom, or an individual as acceptable. The word that stands out to me is “acceptable.” Many women claim to have standards, but are they acceptable? Are they acceptable for what it is that you desire. You see, you can say you have a high standard with your words, but your actions may contradict it. It is clear that everyone has their own ideas of what is acceptable for them. The disheartening thing is that too many women constantly lower their standards for fear that the clock is running out. Not only that, but if I were to ask some of you, what are your standards…would you be able to quickly and convincingly say it? If not, set time apart soon to reflect and sit down and write them down. It’s just like having goals. If you don’t have written goals and timetables to hold you accountable, how do you know you are really making progress? If you are not positive on what these standards are, then how is it that you can get upset if a man violates those “standards?” Your idea of acceptable should line up with what God has for you. Do you know your worth? Look in the mirror and ask yourself who is looking back at you. You may very well see a physical specimen that has gone through trials, obstacles, heart break and disappointments. You will see someone who did not give up when it was the easiest and most convenient choice. You will see someone who refused to settle for less than what you deserved. You will see someone who was determined that it will hurt to walk away from this relationship, but I’D RATHER BE HURT AND FACE THE TRUTH THAN TO BE HURT AND CONTINUE TO LIVE IN A LIE! Confidence comes easy for some women, but what good is that confidence if you have no true standards? YOU CAN CLAIM TO BE CONFIDENT IN WHO YOU ARE YET STILL SETTLE FOR LESS THAN YOU ARE!!

Have you ever had a man try to talk to you and you kept avoiding him and not paying him any attention, but he was so persistent until you finally gave him a chance to at least take you out? Did you go because you were tired of him asking, or did he finally catch you when you were in a different state of mind? Either way, you still had to make a choice. You must constantly make choices. If a man comes into your life, it would be best that you make the standards clear early on. If standards are not clear in the beginning, it can be very difficult to try to set them later on. If your standards were low at the beginning, how can you expect the man to take you seriously when you get an epiphany and decide to want to raise the standard? Standards are not always words, it’s also very much so your actions and how you carry yourself and what you stand for.

For example, if you let a man sleep over in week 1 and by week 4, you decide that was not a good idea? Many men will be ok at first, but will keep trying you because you did not set that standard at the beginning. Why would they honor your words when you made it so easy? I had a conversation with a woman not so long ago and they told me that they met a new guy, but he was so “hungry” acting. That means he was hungry for sex. The woman told me that they are used to a man acting that way and they would think that a man was gay if he did not act in that manner. This was apparently what she was accustomed to. So, what that told me was that her standards were low, yet she believes in her mind they were high. Are you telling me that when you first go out with a man, you expect him to want to be all over you? So, if he sees you as a piece of poultry and you acknowledge and condone it, then why would you get mad if he doesn’t spend the time with you that you desire? A good man has self-control, and even if he was thinking certain things, he would not seem desperate. Thoughts may come, but it’s what you do with those thoughts that count. Some women think they want a “good man,” but their actions show they really just want “a man.” A man to hold them, talk to them, spend time with them. There is a distinct difference between “A man”, and “Good man.” There is also a difference between a “good man,” and the “good man for you.”

Most single mothers expected the baby daddy to be active in their child’s life, or better yet that he would have stayed with you and you would have been married. On the other hand, you may have never seen him as a potential husband, but you are now left with very real responsibilities. Yes, you can’t be held responsible for another individual’s actions. However, you are responsible for what you do after. This is not to make you feel bad or judge you, b/c all single mothers I know are doing a great job with their children. Statistically, it’s usually the dad that does not do so well with them. Yes, there are some men who do take care of their kids, this I know as well. However, be cautious that you are not constantly bringing new men around your child and the child becomes accustomed to seeing men come and go. Because your child’s father did not play his role, does not eliminate you from your husband finding you.

I have also come to realize that most women are not hard to please. Most of you don’t ask for much, but the simplest things that you desire, seems so hard for a man to do. So, when a new man comes along and does the simplest of things, sometimes you lose yourself and think oh this is all I ever wanted, so this must be the one. JUST BECAUSE A MAN DOES SOMETHING YOU ARE NOT USED TO DOES NOT MAKE HIM THE ONE FOR YOU. Could it be that God wanted to show you that the very thing that seemed like you would never get is very possible? Could it be that God is showing you that all men are not like the last man? It burdens me because I see and hear women all the time say, “well no one has ever done that for me before.” That’s a good thing, but they say it like it’s the greatest thing ever or that they were not deserving of it. For some women, things that you should automatically expect from a man turns into a thing that’s an added bonus if you can get it. This ought not be so.

You are great, so you should expect greatness. The most valuable and expensive wine cannot be found on any shelf, in any store. You won’t find it in the grocery store or in Wal-Mart. A wine connoisseur will know what it takes, and they are willing to find it no matter how far they have to go or how much they have to pay. You are like fine wine, the longer you have waited, the more your value goes up. Any man won’t be able to get to you, but “the man” has to find you. He will do whatever it takes because he recognizes your worth. The problem is you are putting yourself on all the wrong shelves. An alcoholic, drug dealer, liar, player, married man ….they all have access to you? If this is so, ask yourself, where am I hanging out? Those individuals are not ready to be husbands. Take yourself off those cheap shelves. If you go to a luxury home auction, you have to put up a check just to enter to have the opportunity to bid on the property. People travel from all over the country and world to attend knowing that only one individual will walk away with the house. The one for you will be willing to pay the price (not just monetary) and overcome any other competition or outlast any other men who are all trying to get access to spend time with you.

A GOOD MAN WANTS A WOMAN WITH HIGH STANDARDS; A BOY WANTS A WOMAN WITH LOW STANDARDS. Set standards ladies, if you let a man get away with it now, he will feel he can get away with it later. Don’t ever think your standards are too high, because the right man will find you. He will be delighted to see that you actually have standards. If your standards were set, you would not waste too much of your time on the knockoff man because you would identify him quickly. HIGH STANDARDS WILL EVENTUALLY ATTRACT HIGH QUALITY. If you notice you keep attracting the same type of men, ask yourself these questions: Am I giving off the wrong impression? Who do I hang with and where do I hang out? Yes, the knockoffs will slip through the cracks at times, but that should not be the majority of what you are seeing. REMEMBER THAT YOU ARE THE STANDARD.