Finding The Pieces To My Heart

May 26, 2016 at 9:00 am

heart puzzle

Heartbreak is never a good feeling. The thought of starting over again doesn’t always seem fun when you think about it. You wanted what you had to work. You wanted who you liked or loved to be it. You invested so much into them! You gave so much of yourself but walked away feeling like you lost something.

Lord, Help Me Get Over My Ex!

February 26, 2015 at 9:00 am


One challenge that sometimes pops up in a new relationship is bringing old relationships with you. Most people don’t do it intentionally, but if those issues pop up, it could cause some unnecessary damage. If you find yourself talking about your ex a lot or making any type of comparisons, that will get you into trouble. What you must realize is that an ex is an ex regardless of what happened or didn’t happen.

Your Pain Has An Expiration Date!

July 17, 2014 at 9:00 am


No More Pain

You have talked about the 1, dreamed about the 1 and wondered when you’re going to meet the 1. In the midst of all of that, the pains from your past disappointments must be evicted. There is a difference from the single life to the married life. It is a transition, but the transition doesn’t begin when the 1 arrives, but it should begin before they arrive.

I’m Trying To Get The Sex Out Of My Mind!

June 16, 2014 at 9:00 am


Diary of A Future Spouse


Dear Duke:


I met a guy last year and immediately we started hooking up. Although I know fornication is a sin, I was too weak in my flesh to resist him. I cannot say we were in a relationship because it was purely sexual. The problem is, although we have stopped seeing each other, I find myself still attracted to him and thinking about him all the time. However, I want to get him off of my mind. Please help.


The Duke’s Response: I commend you for being transparent and at such a vulnerable time you’re in emotionally. You have already addressed the fact that you knew you were weak in your flesh and did not resist sex. You have also pointed out that it was simply a sexual thing. That can still create an emotional attachment, even if there wasn’t much established as far as really knowing him.


It’s evident that you found him physically attractive, and that’s what started the sexual relations. Now that you have stopped seeing him, it seems like you cannot get him off your mind. What is going on is a soul tie was formed. Scripture talks about how when you have sex with someone, you become 1 with them.


So, it’s hard to shake him right now in your flesh because there is still a part of him connected to you. Sex is physical and emotional. This does not matter if it was via casual sex or someone who was in a committed relationship. When it is over, or even if you’re in relationship with the individual, soul ties can be formed. This is why some individuals stay in abusive relationships.


This is why some people keep going back to the person that they know is not good for them. This is why you can stay with someone who you know is not the right one for you. Bad soul ties can cause your entire attitude to change. It can cause you to act outside of your normal character. Bad soul ties are not always with bad people, but it can just be someone who is bad for you.


There may be times when you are not with that individual anymore, but you cannot get them out of your mind, such is the case with you. This is the result of a soul tie. Again, it does not even require sex. However, sex makes it much more complex because the two of you are literally becoming one flesh as scripture tells us.This is when your soul becomes tied together with another.


It is like you are bonded together as one. I know at times, it seems like the word soul is a “spooky” word. However, the soul is simply the inner part of humans that is the seat of human feelings, desires, passions, appetites and emotions. In knowing the definition, we can now understand what it means when your soul is tied to or connected to another. When we hear of soul ties, it is often when being referenced to sex. However, it can also be formed through close relationships.


Also, all soul ties are not bad. There are Godly soul ties and ungodly soul ties. Good soul ties can be found in healthy relationships with your parents, siblings, children, other family members, God ordained relationships and the right friends. There can also be bad soul ties among those individuals. So, in your case, the soul tie was formed from something God didn’t put together, so the enemy is trying to keep you in bondage so you don’t move forward.


You must 1st pray that the soul tie is broken, and speak over your life and declare that whatever is attached to you that is not from God and is trying to hold you in bondage that it must leave in the name of Jesus. Command them to leave. Continue to pray and speak that over your life until you see and sense the change. This is important because you cannot effectively move on until that is severed or it will definitely impact your next relationship.


It’s almost like carrying around bed bugs. They can be difficult to detect and they can be a pain to get rid of. However, if it gets on your clothes, it will travel with you and will attach itself to the next place you lay your head, which is home. The demonic spirits attached to ungodly soul ties attempt to travel with you in an attempt to keep you in bondage and to connect you with someone else, to either keep you going through the same cycle or to cause havoc in the next relationship, whether the person was sent by God or by Satan.


So, this is why it is important that it is broken. The 1st step is in recognizing what has you feeling the way you do. We’ve identified that and what you need to do to overcome it. Now you must recognize that you deserve better than a casual hook up. There is a difference in saying it and knowing it.


You must know that you deserve the best, and it begins with you expecting the best. It begins with you expecting to be treated a certain way. It begins with your mindset. If you don’t have that standard, you run the risk of going through the same cycle. If you don’t know what you deserve, you won’t get what you deserve!


You must also not beat yourself up about what happened or didn’t happen. That is over now, and the only way forward is to not keep looking backwards. The only thing he had to offer was sex, and you already know the deal. So, you have to ask yourself what were you really missing? You aren’t really missing him because you all didn’t establish a relationship.


Sure, you may have had some conversation and shared a few laughs, but it was not an authentic relationship. The foundation was shaky from the beginning. You can’t tell me that you feel that he is a type of guy that you think is the best you could have because regardless of who he is or the type of person he is, what he brought to the table was nothing worth your time.


It’s easy to want something you once had, even though you may not have had much when there is no one in front of you. It’s easy to reflect on what was when it seems like you’re alone. However, you are never alone. You should take some time to reflect on yourself. Are there certain unhealthy patterns you have seen in your relationships? You should also look at some of the positive points and use that as you move forward.


The key is that the lesson was learned. He will get off your mind as you go through the process, but you don’t want to fall for any distractions that will lead you down the same path. It’s like people who use drugs and abuse alcohol to temporarily drown out the pain. You don’t need a distraction, but you need to be delivered from all of the past mess and look forward to the future blessings.


I believe you will be just fine. Know that God has someone for you, but I can tell that right now some clutter needs to be cleared out of your life. Check your environment as well. Who do you hang out with? What are the conversations like? What do you say about yourself that might be negative?


Words form an atmosphere around you as well. You don’t need negativity. You don’t need to be attached to people who are doing the same thing you’re trying to come out of. That will only put you back in bondage after you’ve been free or simply keep you in bondage. There are some people you have to deal with in moderation or not at all.


This is your time to be cleansed, but you have to want it. It sounds like you want it. I’m excited about your future, and I know that greater is to come. It is literally 1 day at a time, but days turn to weeks, and weeks to months. Soon enough you will look up and see how far you have come and wonder where did the time go?


In the meantime, love yourself and set your standards. They won’t lead you astray. Love is powerful, and the love that you need will find you. The beautiful thing is that the 1st part of love starts with you!


As always, remember that you are Single For 1. That is all for now.

Your Relationship Advisor,

The Duke logo 1


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