The 5 Points of a Good Man!

March 4, 2010 at 2:13 pm

 “THE PERSON YOU MARRY IS A PRODUCT OF YOUR INTELLIGENCE. I heard this statement a year or so ago and I immediately added it to my list of favorite quotes. That is a powerful and true statement. Reflect on that quote Ladies, reflect on that quote.

These are what I call my 5 Points. This is what all women should see in a man. Granted, all men do not have all 5. If God sends him, he will possess the 5 or be pretty close to getting there. I say that because in all 5 points, there is always room for growth in all the areas.

1.)    Spiritually- The man should have some spiritual stock. This is the most important point, but yet it is a very low preference on many women’s lists. He should not just know about the Lord, but he should know the Lord personally. No, I’m not saying he is a preacher…but he needs to have a relationship with God. If a man does not know how to love God, how can he truly know how to love you? God is love (1 John 4:16). Side note: Just because he goes to church sometimes, does not mean he loves the Lord. It’s about relationship and you see it through his actions. Some of you go to work everyday, but does it mean you love your job?..Ok, enough said.

2.)    Emotionally-The man should be able to support you emotionally. Women tend to be more emotional, but it does not mean that men are not emotional. Statistics show that historically, women live longer than men. Why do women tend to live longer than men? Because many women tend to not hold in emotions as much as men. Emotions deal with feelings. He should be there for you emotionally even when he does not understand why you feel a certain way. You may react to something he does or says that reminds you of something from the past. He should demonstrate the patience needed to help you work through any emotion (anger, sadness, fear, joy, etc.). Oftentimes, if the man is not there emotionally, women feel disconnected or feel the man does not care. It may not seem like a big deal to him, but if it is to you, he must adjust, adapt and improve accordingly. Sometimes you just need to get it out of your system and you are ok after. Some women internalize everything, and a good man will see it and help you get it out.

3.)    Psychologically-Yes, he should stimulate you mentally. Have you ever gone on a date and was bored out of your mind with the conversation? There are not many things in a relationship worst than a relationship where nothing is going on up top. IT’S A STARTLING REALIZATION WHEN YOU FIND THAT YOU ARE WITH SOMEONE BUT YOU ARE STILL ALONE!  Communication is also a byproduct of this point. There has to be open two-way communication. He should cause you to think about things you may have never thought of or push you to see further than where you are. The reverse of this is when a man has your mind. DON’T ALLOW A MAN TO CONTROL YOUR MIND TO A PLACE WHERE YOU HAVE NO MIND OF YOUR OWN. Most women say that will never happen, but when other areas are lacking and you are seeking more from him, he can control your mind if he convinces you that you are the root of the problem and he flees any responsibility in the matter. It also happens when you feel you keep attracting the same type of men or that none of them worked out. So you think what’s wrong with me? Let me diagnose it for you. What’s wrong with you is you were too far gone to realize he wasn’t the one.  INSTEAD OF FACING REALITY, YOU DECIDED THAT YOU COULD CHANGE HIM (You know because of all his potential.) My pastor said it best some time ago, “ONE OF THE RICHEST PLACES IN THE WORLD IS THE CEMETARY BECAUSE SO MANY DIED WITH THEIR POTENTIAL.” The scary thing is when a man has your mind and you don’t realize it until months or years later when you get a grip on reality. This also can happen when you are living in a false reality.

4.)    FINANCIALLY-This point and the 5th point are the two that too many women focus on and simply settle for the last 2, neglecting the first 3 key points. Many marriages ended in part by financial struggles no doubt. However, many wealthy individuals divorce a lot too. The old saying goes; money can’t buy you love or happiness. Some of you say, but it’s a start..LOL.. Yes, a man should be able to support you financially. Most men get no better satisfaction when he knows he is able to support his family. Even if things get tough, the man should be innovative, of course not doing anything illegal. A good man will also not put you or his family in jeopardy. Sure, the world is in a recession and many are out of jobs, but a good man will also realize that where he is currently is not where he will end up. If he has done his job in the other 4 areas, you will stand by him and believe that things will work out. Too many women focus on wanting a man so they don’t have to worry about finances. I heard a multi-millionaire say that he has financial problems just like someone who is pay check to pay check. His problems are just on another scale. Many of them have and are dealing with foreclosures, bankruptcy, etc. It’s what you do during and after the storm that matters. The love of money is the root of all evil (1 Timothy 6:10). It didn’t say money is evil, but the love of it is.

I tell people all the time that the reason they make a big deal about money is that truthfully money scares them. I see women fall for the hype with some guys who talking about they chasing that money and they listen to them talk about it like it’s a god. Some look at the car they drive. Broke men can also have nice cars and homes for image sake. A GOOD MAN SHOULD PREFER TO LIVE BELOW HIS MEANS THAN ABOVE HIS MEANS. Living above it is truly a BROKE mentality. Usually, it is all talk. If a man is in God and wants more resources such as money and he takes action toward his goals and remains obedient….HE WON’T CHASE MONEY, MONEY WILL CHASE HIM. HE WON’T WORK FOR MONEY, MONEY WILL WORK FOR HIM!! Simple statement, but there is so much behind it. They need a wealthy attitude first, and that precedes money. Money IS A TOOL, NOT A GOAL. The quicker you see that the better.

5.)    Physically- Woooooow! Is this the last point? Yes, a man should support you physically. Yes, looks play a factor and it has to start with some form of attraction. You can be initially attracted to how the man speaks, carries himself, dresses, etc. You should feel secure with him. If a man likes to fight does not make him a man, it makes him a barbarian. If Jesus can turn the other cheek, so can we. Civil Rights leaders led peaceably and so can we. A good man leaves an inheritance for his children’s children… (Proverbs 13:22). That’s not just talking about money; a man should leave something for his children and their children to look up to. Let’s start with Integrity.

I have found for many women, if the other 4 points are met, physical attraction comes. I know this is a challenge area for some. It’s the same as when someone looks good to you, but their attitude makes them look bad. Ladies, have you ever seen someone in a relationship and think to yourself, now how did she get him? We won’t even touch on the misguided idea some have that you need to test drive the “car” before you buy it. You can focus on sex all you want in marriage, but when the dust settles and you grow older, that won’t be to the top of your list. If the other points are not met, then the sex won’t mean anything and you won’t even want to participate anymore.

Financial and Physical is what too many of you settle for. I assure you, if the other areas are not met, the relationship will not be fruitful. I also understand that some have to experience dating different people over time. Most of us have not gotten it right on the first, 2nd or 5th tries. The key is that now you are maturing in that area. I hear women say all the time that they have a good man based off of one thing. A good man will possess all 5. That’s all for now. Stay Blessed.

Your  Singles Advisor,