The 5 Points of a Good Man!
“THE PERSON YOU MARRY IS A PRODUCT OF YOUR INTELLIGENCE. I heard this statement a year or so ago and I immediately added it to my list of favorite quotes. That is a powerful and true statement. Reflect on that quote Ladies, reflect on that quote.
These are what I call my 5 Points. This is what all women should see in a man. Granted, all men do not have all 5. If God sends him, he will possess the 5 or be pretty close to getting there. I say that because in all 5 points, there is always room for growth in all the areas.
1.) Spiritually- The man should have some spiritual stock. This is the most important point, but yet it is a very low preference on many women’s lists. He should not just know about the Lord, but he should know the Lord personally. No, I’m not saying he is a preacher…but he needs to have a relationship with God. If a man does not know how to love God, how can he truly know how to love you? God is love (1 John 4:16). Side note: Just because he goes to church sometimes, does not mean he loves the Lord. It’s about relationship and you see it through his actions. Some of you go to work everyday, but does it mean you love your job?..Ok, enough said.
2.) Emotionally-The man should be able to support you emotionally. Women tend to be more emotional, but it does not mean that men are not emotional. Statistics show that historically, women live longer than men. Why do women tend to live longer than men? Because many women tend to not hold in emotions as much as men. Emotions deal with feelings. He should be there for you emotionally even when he does not understand why you feel a certain way. You may react to something he does or says that reminds you of something from the past. He should demonstrate the patience needed to help you work through any emotion (anger, sadness, fear, joy, etc.). Oftentimes, if the man is not there emotionally, women feel disconnected or feel the man does not care. It may not seem like a big deal to him, but if it is to you, he must adjust, adapt and improve accordingly. Sometimes you just need to get it out of your system and you are ok after. Some women internalize everything, and a good man will see it and help you get it out.
3.) Psychologically-Yes, he should stimulate you mentally. Have you ever gone on a date and was bored out of your mind with the conversation? There are not many things in a relationship worst than a relationship where nothing is going on up top. IT’S A STARTLING REALIZATION WHEN YOU FIND THAT YOU ARE WITH SOMEONE BUT YOU ARE STILL ALONE! Communication is also a byproduct of this point. There has to be open two-way communication. He should cause you to think about things you may have never thought of or push you to see further than where you are. The reverse of this is when a man has your mind. DON’T ALLOW A MAN TO CONTROL YOUR MIND TO A PLACE WHERE YOU HAVE NO MIND OF YOUR OWN. Most women say that will never happen, but when other areas are lacking and you are seeking more from him, he can control your mind if he convinces you that you are the root of the problem and he flees any responsibility in the matter. It also happens when you feel you keep attracting the same type of men or that none of them worked out. So you think what’s wrong with me? Let me diagnose it for you. What’s wrong with you is you were too far gone to realize he wasn’t the one. INSTEAD OF FACING REALITY, YOU DECIDED THAT YOU COULD CHANGE HIM (You know because of all his potential.) My pastor said it best some time ago, “ONE OF THE RICHEST PLACES IN THE WORLD IS THE CEMETARY BECAUSE SO MANY DIED WITH THEIR POTENTIAL.” The scary thing is when a man has your mind and you don’t realize it until months or years later when you get a grip on reality. This also can happen when you are living in a false reality.
4.) FINANCIALLY-This point and the 5th point are the two that too many women focus on and simply settle for the last 2, neglecting the first 3 key points. Many marriages ended in part by financial struggles no doubt. However, many wealthy individuals divorce a lot too. The old saying goes; money can’t buy you love or happiness. Some of you say, but it’s a start..LOL.. Yes, a man should be able to support you financially. Most men get no better satisfaction when he knows he is able to support his family. Even if things get tough, the man should be innovative, of course not doing anything illegal. A good man will also not put you or his family in jeopardy. Sure, the world is in a recession and many are out of jobs, but a good man will also realize that where he is currently is not where he will end up. If he has done his job in the other 4 areas, you will stand by him and believe that things will work out. Too many women focus on wanting a man so they don’t have to worry about finances. I heard a multi-millionaire say that he has financial problems just like someone who is pay check to pay check. His problems are just on another scale. Many of them have and are dealing with foreclosures, bankruptcy, etc. It’s what you do during and after the storm that matters. The love of money is the root of all evil (1 Timothy 6:10). It didn’t say money is evil, but the love of it is.
I tell people all the time that the reason they make a big deal about money is that truthfully money scares them. I see women fall for the hype with some guys who talking about they chasing that money and they listen to them talk about it like it’s a god. Some look at the car they drive. Broke men can also have nice cars and homes for image sake. A GOOD MAN SHOULD PREFER TO LIVE BELOW HIS MEANS THAN ABOVE HIS MEANS. Living above it is truly a BROKE mentality. Usually, it is all talk. If a man is in God and wants more resources such as money and he takes action toward his goals and remains obedient….HE WON’T CHASE MONEY, MONEY WILL CHASE HIM. HE WON’T WORK FOR MONEY, MONEY WILL WORK FOR HIM!! Simple statement, but there is so much behind it. They need a wealthy attitude first, and that precedes money. Money IS A TOOL, NOT A GOAL. The quicker you see that the better.
5.) Physically- Woooooow! Is this the last point? Yes, a man should support you physically. Yes, looks play a factor and it has to start with some form of attraction. You can be initially attracted to how the man speaks, carries himself, dresses, etc. You should feel secure with him. If a man likes to fight does not make him a man, it makes him a barbarian. If Jesus can turn the other cheek, so can we. Civil Rights leaders led peaceably and so can we. A good man leaves an inheritance for his children’s children… (Proverbs 13:22). That’s not just talking about money; a man should leave something for his children and their children to look up to. Let’s start with Integrity.
I have found for many women, if the other 4 points are met, physical attraction comes. I know this is a challenge area for some. It’s the same as when someone looks good to you, but their attitude makes them look bad. Ladies, have you ever seen someone in a relationship and think to yourself, now how did she get him? We won’t even touch on the misguided idea some have that you need to test drive the “car” before you buy it. You can focus on sex all you want in marriage, but when the dust settles and you grow older, that won’t be to the top of your list. If the other points are not met, then the sex won’t mean anything and you won’t even want to participate anymore.
Financial and Physical is what too many of you settle for. I assure you, if the other areas are not met, the relationship will not be fruitful. I also understand that some have to experience dating different people over time. Most of us have not gotten it right on the first, 2nd or 5th tries. The key is that now you are maturing in that area. I hear women say all the time that they have a good man based off of one thing. A good man will possess all 5. That’s all for now. Stay Blessed.
Your Singles Advisor,
Duke
I haven’t read the entire blog yet but i had to get this out befor I forget. My cousin and I had a conversation about the man fronting all the bills. What are your views on that. You wrote, ” a man should be innovative in getting the bills paid. Isn’t that a lot of pressure on him alone. My cousin feels that the couple should work together. Certain bills the husband should psy and certain bills the wife should pay; working together to make things easier.
I wasn’t saying the man has to cover all the bills in the house. However bills are handled is up to the couple. I was saying a man has to be innovative if he is not working or if things get hard financially on the family. The burden should be on him before the wife. That is not to say that both of them cannot share the burden so that the household is taken care of. I certainly don’t think that the man has to pay all the bills. That’s a decision for the couple to make how they handle all of that. Not to mention, everyone is not in that situation for one or the other to pay all the bills. There are times when the wife may not be working, but goes back to work to help the household. There are numerous scenarios.
YEAH, MY CO-WRKR WAS JUS speaking about the “homemaker” wife. I asked because I’ve had that questioned presented to me.
I use to think that the husband was suppose to foot all the bills, then I moved out on my own and realized that carrying the whole house is a bit much. My co-wrkr said if ur husband is rich then the wife not paying any bills is cool.
I’m gonna sit down and read the rest of the blog. I’m sure I have 20 more questions…lol!
Somebody tell Tina what we are talking about. That last blog was interesting. Her knowledge is really helping me out. Duke keep doing what you are doing. You got me on my toes. later.
Sounds like a process to me, anything that’s good requires a process in a godly order of priorities. We have to gett’em in order.
Duke,
I’ve learned from experience that point #1 is definitely important ! There’s no way around it.
Friday, March 05, 2010
The Power of a Praying Man
Kevin Bond
Prayer has always been the backbone of the African American family. Historically, not many African American men were willing to admit the fact that they regularly practiced prayer at home. Even fewer could say that they learned from their fathers the essential discipline of prayer.
For too many men, their twisted quest to be perceived as macho put the woman on the front lines as the spiritual leader of the home. Women became the ones to pray and carry the children to church while men stayed home, watched the games or played golf with the boys. This relinquishment of responsibility was due in part to the misguided perception that men who are active in church are soft or sissified.
Well, I’m from a different generation and I’m proud to say that the opposite was true for me. Not only was my father a praying man, but my grandfather was also a man of much prayer. They both instilled in me the practice of prayer, and I’m now passing that same trait to my sons and daughters.
My father, Alex T. Bond Jr., was a man who taught his children at an early age the power of prayer. Not once do I remember sitting down to a family meal without first asking God to bless our food. Not only would Dad pray over the food, but he would also raise any family issue or crisis that may have been looming that day. This could be work or schoolrelated, social, or even political. This became my norm.
In fact, for many of my friends who came over to visit at meal times, it became their norm. We could always tell those who weren’t accustomed to this lifestyle of prayer because they would neither know Bible verses nor see the need to ask God’s blessing over the meal. In an effort to plant the seed of prayer in my friends’ lives, Dad would ask one of his children to lead prayer.
We gladly did so and were thrilled at the opportunity to share with our friends the practice of prayer that our parents had taught us. The most rewarding part was that we were also encouraged to practice this habit at school, as well as in our friends’ homes. But Dad’s prayer life extended far beyond the dinner table. As a child, I witnessed my father leading the church in prayer as a choir director, deacon, evangelist, and ultimately a pastor.
What a joy to know that the man people came to know and love publicly as Pastor Bond, was the same man I knew and loved privately as Dad. I am certain that Dad’s active prayer life played a vital role in his development as he progressed through the different stages of his ministry assignments.
You see, prayer to us was recognized as one’s communion with his Heavenly Father. For Christians, it’s the way we commune with our God. It’s the language through which we communicate with God. The Bible even states that Jesus communicated with God through prayer while He dwelt among us on earth. Prayer is one of the indispensable disciplines in the life of the Christian.
In fact, there’s a motto that we use that states, “No prayer, no power; little prayer, little power; much prayer, much power.” I feel blessed to have had a father who unashamedly prayed and taught our family to do likewise. I never saw my father hit my mother, spend the night in jail, drink, nor use drugs. I’d like to believe that it was because the prayer that he engaged in privately caused him to live openly as a righteous man.
That’s my personal experience with the praying man God chose to rear me. I have adopted many of his methods and continue to pass them on to the next generation!
Dad , God rest your soul! Thanks for teaching us to pray!
I really enjoyed reading this blog. It was very enlightening. Possessing all five points seems to be a tall order for some men to fill, but I guess patience is truly a virtue if a solid relationship is expected.
Glad that it blessed you Michelle. Yes, patience is key. The 5 points does not come to any man naturally. We all go through a process. God has to mold the man to be that husband, and He has to mold the woman to be that wife. When both come together in God’s timing, the angels rejoice in heaven.
Hey Duke,
This is great!! I love it! I agree with it all. I recently went on a fast from MEN. It was hard, all of sudden guys I haven’t talked to in a long time, ex-boyfriends decided to call and say “hey”. Proverbs 18:22 states He who finds a wife finds what is good and receives favor from the Lord. I misunderstood the text. I thought a man would find me and I would be good. It states “finds a wife” The keyword is wife. Not girlfriend, lady, homie, friend, but wife. I had to ask myself a question, am I wifey material? God has to prepare me to be a wife for the man that I am destined to be with. Flesh of flesh, blood of my blood. Each of us is uniquely designed for “The One” however we must continue to let God mold us into that wife. A great book to read is How to Be Found by the Man You’ve Been Looking For By Michelle McKinney Hammond. You can order it on Amazon. It’s a great read, and I found so much of myself in the book.
Have a lovely night
Well, you are well on your way Lee-Lee. You summarized it in a nutshell, he has to find you. You also recognize that God has to prepare you to be that wife, so that he finds the wife in you, not the girlfriend, lady, etc. You made a major step and received a major revelation.
Thanks Duke…It’s Alicia a.k.a Lee-Lee LOL
I think Lee-Lee flirt-n wit u….. 🙂
Hello Duke,
It is a delight to read your blog on “5-Points of A Good Man”. (Silent man?) I totally agree as a graceful,mature,single (divorced) christian women and applaud you for your boldness. My challenge is “why are men who seemly possess these characteristics are so hesitant in approaching a women they really would like to talk to?” Forgive me but I’m old school. The guy is the pursuer. Why is it that men of evil intentions are able to vocalize their actions so smoothly. Women must be Godly and spiritually discerning to recognize deception. I am sorry to say but a lot of the 5-pointer are not being brave! It’s amazing how many many wonderful guys don’t speak much less begin a conversation. I laugh to myself when I see several guys profiling in a group, not saying a word to a group of ladies standing near. When another guy walks up and say something, then everyone just takes over the poor guy conversation & opportunity. Ladies wants the “Good Men” to come of the shelf. Being courages or assertive is important! A polite, confident person is attractive regardless of the gender… Is this a #6?…. Hummmm
Miss Wanda, you bring up a very good point. I have had the conversation a number of times. Yes, too many of the men with the 5 points are not aggressive enough. They may see someone they are attracted to in some way but may take too long to approach. The men who do it all the time as if it is a sport have no problems approaching any and every female they see that they are attracted to. This is because they feel they have nothing to lose and they do it all the time. This is not to say, the men with the 5 points do not always approach. Men with the 5 points are typically very selective in their approach. Some only show interest if they have been around the same woman more than once, or they may pursue after a couple of conversations. However, you make a valid point that men with the 5 points should be more assertive when they are attracted to a woman. However, many more factors may come into play as men with the 5 points do not approach every woman they find attractive in some way unless something really stands out to them and they know that they must say something.
GIRL! U BETTA TYPE THAT THING AGAIN! Men 2day are taking on the submissive role…huh!I thought I was the only one that saw that. Thank God I am not alone.
Duke, along with your 5 points, women and men should set standards for themselves and potential other. There’s no guessing game because you know what is expected. At that point, you can decide if he is your MR. RIGHT or he needs to move RIGHT ALONG. I like that your #1 is spiritual. How can a man lead if he is not being led by GOD? When we obey the Holy Spirit, we remain in GOD’s plan for ourselves. So, sometimes, we need to LET GO of people to get to the person HE wants for us. GOD knows best. I am a living testimony. Now do you know any 5 pointers? LOL
Jocelyn, I like your point that if he is your Mr. Right or he needs to move RIGHT ALONG. That’s a good one. Women need to know that. Of course, it can be easy to say and somewhat challenging to put it into practice if a lot of a woman has invested a lot of time. It does indeed sound like you are speaking from experience. 5 pointers are all around, the 5 pointers need to be more assertive at times. Well, the good thing is he has to find you.
You know i was listening to the radio and the show was about signles, you mentioned “they” are around and the host of the show was speaking about making yourself available; marketing yourself was the term he used. Everyone is quick to say they are around but “they” are not presenting themselves. Where do you go to present yourself. Most save people spend a great amount of time in church….nothing wrong wit dat but I don’t want to date my church family…lol. Most men that are serious about God can only be found in one place…and I don’t mean found in a sense as a woman looking.
I had to laugh at myself when the guy said, the only way “he” is going to find you is that he break in your house cuz you don’t go anywhere..lol. Dat was me. I seperated from the world, not only loosing my desire to be among them but my desire to live abundantly. I use to travel a lot I recently revived that spirit in me…thank God. But, I thought (use to) I had to stay closed up so I wouldn’t get mived up with the wrong folk again. Thank God for wisdom and strength. Many people think that their life as a christian is suppose to be dull, dats the cause of many saints falling. I really don’t know what more I’m suppose to do but I know God has prepared me for my husband or still preparing (since I still am single). My Pastor said something to me that disturbed my spirit. She said, “WILL YOU KNOW WHEN HE COMES”. All I cud say, I sure hope so. I’m picky and my standards are off the meter and i am not settling. I’ve done that all my life.
what you got to say Duke. minister to my heart. Love yall.
Kesha:Well, if God can make a donkey talk, make a rock cry out, feed a multitude with 2 fish and 5 loaves, surely who He has chosen for you can find you. However, no he can’t find you if you are in the house forever. I don’t think anyone is in the house all the time unless they can’t leave or desire never to leave. He can find you at a gas station, at church, in grocery store, at the mall, at a game, in a store. He can be the mail man who delivers your mail. He can be the leasing agent at your complex. LOL..he can be anywhere you are. You go more places then you give credit for. The ultimate thing is are you being significant? Are you constantly moving, not physically, but actively pursuing your passion and destiny. God historically is active when people are moving. So, my words to you would be to Walk. Keep walking..keep moving. There’s an old saying “a watch pot don’t boil.” Saying if you keep staring at the water, it will seem like forever before it begins to boil. If you are trying to position yourself for a man to find you, then you are starting off wrong. Just live and the rest will fall in place.